I am lost in the busyness, pleasures, and futile states of this world. I am lost in the desires of my ego and the glitter of the world. I am entangled in all the useless things I have done, said, and thought. Breathing has become difficult, my soul is suffocating in such darkness.
Perhaps these are my final lines and thoughts for this world.
The time to leave has come and is passing by. I will be held accountable for the time I wasted. This thought takes me away from myself, causing me to accelerate once again.
Agony forms in my eyes. A shiver runs down my spine. My hands tremble. The trembling of my hands causes the ink to scatter on the paper.
Then, in a corner of my mind, another place brightens. Before I know it, I haven’t left the realm of aspirations; I find myself talking about it, worrying about it.
I scribble down my fears, my writings, until they are hardly legible.
A sense of tranquility fills me again. I take a deep breath and gaze at the suitcase by the door. It stands there, waiting for me to embark on the journey to eternal bliss. It’s ready to accompany me in gaining Divine consent.
These thoughts exhilarate me. I once again come to the conclusion that something is missing. Moments of excitement and self-centeredness indicate that I haven’t fully let go of something. Despite the longer path that lies ahead, I strive to walk steadfastly, letting go of my self. I walk towards the door and set out without taking the suitcase. I don’t need the suitcase or any other belongings on this journey. All I need is genuine devotion. If I possess pure feelings towards my Beloved, isn’t that enough? Once you’ve embarked on this path, won’t true sincerity and love follow?
As I set out to free myself from the desires of the world, in my actions for the Hereafter and in the sensitivity I show to my own ego, I arrive at the final destination. Enough of living so heedlessly! The time has come, and is passing, for me to realize where I am. It’s time to comprehend why I am here. I will either miss the final stop and fall into eternal suffering, or I will abandon what needs to be abandoned and attain boundless happiness.
One last time, I dip the pen into the ink, and instead of writing, “Farewell world, farewell the Hereafter, and farewell self,” I write, “The beauty of being a servant with absolute submission, destitution, enthusiasm, and gratitude…” I bid farewell to self-glorification, apathy, and ingratitude.
I rush towards Divine Acceptance. I advance towards the light, on the path where my soul reaches its peak. One last thing comes to my mind. One last renunciation reminds me of itself.
I take the sealed letter and set it aflame in the flame of the candle.
Illustration by Feyza Küçük.
